The proper way to test the Hellcat would be to build a time machine, set it to ?1974,? polish up the mood ring, drive to an Esso station, buy gas at 49 cents a gallon and screech around Korvettes? parking lot.
Alas, it?s 2015 and thus my test took place in a progressive, high-end burb where hybrids rule and people look at you and your $70,865 Hellcat as though you?re a sociopath personally responsible for global warming, mercury in their salmon and the cigarette butt they saw that morning on the turnpike when they pulled over to check if their Prius was getting 49.9 miles to the gallon or actually 50.
Which is what makes this a fun ride. We know the internal combustion vehicle is a 19th century invention and is going the way, sooner or later, of silent movies, the mimeograph and beepers.
Ditto that belching, thirsty ride in your garage, and ditto the thirsty Charger SRT Hellcat. Screech today, for tomorrow we have self-driving cars, cars that chug no petrol, and the obscene carnage on our nation?s highways finally, at long last, plunges to reasonable levels or is even eliminated. This thing gets 15 miles to the gallon. That?s what my mother?s 1974 Duster 340 got ? in 1974.
So I used every one of the Hellcat?s 707 horses and 8 cylinders, doing 0-60 in 3 or so seconds accompanied by a T-Rex-ish roar. I watched that MPG indicator dip down to 1 as I floored it and left parts of my tires on the pavement. I did this at sunrise, too, typically a time when condemned prisoners are executed.
And a peculiar thing ? when I passed a playground full of kids, their soccer game came to a dead stop as each of their heads whipped around to witness my presence. They knew what the car was. What to do but come to a dead stop, give ?er the gun and make the kiddies smile and cheer? And, great balls of fire ? literally ? giving this car the gun is fun. It?s bad for everything, pretty much ? but it?s fun.
It?s got evil-looking HID headlamps, ?growling cat? badges and ferocious-looking dual tailpipes (restricted by computer-controlled butterfly valves ? see, we?re not completely in the Ford administration.) Enormous Brembo brakes and 20-inch Pirelli wheels mean it?s not an off-the-line ride, but you?ll add your own modifications, of course. Flick the ?SRT? button on the dash and the 8.4-inch touch screen delivers all sorts of fun race-car-type information, and various engine modes let you choose your level of menace; ?Race,? ?Performance,? ?Valet? and ?Eco,? though ?Eco? on this thing is like ordering a diet coke with your fried oreos. The ride is smooth, if you notice the ride at all while navigating this berserker. Steering is heavy at low speeds, easier upwards of about 40 MPH.
